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Jul 052010
 

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th is another spoof of the Scream trilogy, but this one goes in another direction. The basic story is same, which is about a masked killer on the loose terrorizing high school teens. Not only does this movie include tidbits from I Know What You Did Last Summer, but also tidbits from other films like There’s Something About Mary, American Pie, Teaching Mrs. Tingle, Grease, and others.

This spoof spares no expense on gags. The main characters have names like Dawson Deary (Harley Cross), Slab (Simon Rex), Boner (Danny Strong), and Doughy Prime Suspect (Tom Arnold). The high school, known as Bulimia Falls High, has rooms for a nail salon, tanning salon, and women’s studies a.k.a. breast augmentation. Even the drinking fountains have a choice of scotch, vodka, and gin. It’s unbelievable. Who built that school anyway?

Now here’s something unusual. The killer is out in the open killing people at the school, but nobody notices as if things like this occur all the time. That does not make sense to me. Although there is curiosity about who the killer might be, the mystery level of this horror film tends to go way off base.

Julie Benz, who is well known as Darla from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, plays Barbara the pretty and popular teen beauty pageant winner. When I met her at Mini MegaCon 2009, my sister told Julie how thrilled I was to have met her. Then she says, “That must be exciting for you.” Okay, that was strange. She also wasn’t too thrilled about the photos of choice for autographs. I thought this one was good.

Another Buffy the Vampire Slayer actor in this film was Danny Strong who played Jonathon. Here he plays Boner, a teen who constantly worries about never getting laid. Sorry, but that gag gets old after awhile.

It takes a lot to unmask this killer, and I’m not just talking about suspects.

This wasn’t really a bad movie. I’m glad that there was no gross humor, but I still think this parody was way too overdone. It wasn’t nearly as funny as Scary Movie.

Oct 302009
 

As a special treat for Halloween, I put together a list of 13, that’s right 13, of my favorite scary and seductive female vamps that horror fans love to be afraid of.

#13) Selene (Kate Beckinsale) from Underworld: She’s a kick butt death dealer vampire. Unlike many of the others listed here, Selene is on the side of good. She’s not really seductive because her main focus is to take out lycons. You’ve got to admit though, Selene is a hottie.

#12) Rachael (Jennifer Beals) from Vampire’s Kiss: Her kisses are addictive, even if it does include biting. Not only that, but they cause her victims to go totally mad. I wonder if she’s part siren.

Lauren Hutton as the Countess

#11) The Countess (Lauren Hutton) from Once Bitten: Like the famous Count Dracula, the Countess seduces her victims before biting them. However, she prefers virgin males and instead of aiming for the neck, she goes for the thigh. Doesn’t thinking about that just make you want to cringe?

#10) Queen Akasha (Aaliyah) from Queen of the Damned: After the vampire Lestat awakens her, Akasha only cares about destroying all life and ruling the world. She sounds like a pretty typical warlord, but the character was nominated for Best Villain on the 2002 MTV Movie Awards, even after Aaliyah’s death. So that has to account for something, right.

#9) Rayne (Kristanna Loken) from BloodRayne: Well, Rayne isn’t exactly a vampire. She’s a dhampir, which means a half-breed, kind of like Blade. Rayne is also on the side of good, but still needs to feed. Not to mention that she can kick butt while doing it.

Lorena from True Blood

#8) Lorena (Mariana Klaveno) from True Blood: This gorgeous vamp is strong, fast, and obsessive like a femme fatale. She will do anything, and I mean anything, for love. And she loves Bill Compton, which was why she sired him. Boy, does she love Bill Compton.

van-helsing-brides

#7) Allera (Elena Anaya), Verona (Silvia Colloca), and Marishka (Josie Maran) from Van Helsing: They all have a very distinctive demon-like presence. Yet they can also take human form and stand on the ceiling. Heck with seduction, these women want blood.

#6) Darla (Julie Benz) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Don’t let her innocence fool you. This vampire is highly fearsome and most effective. She was The Master’s favorite and the one who sired Angel. Darla has been slayed, but keeps coming back. Maybe she knows Dracula’s secret?

buffydr2

#5) Drusilla (Juliet Landau) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Other than the fact that she is a bit loony, Drusilla really stands out as a tough vampire. Not only was she the one who sired Spike, but she was one of few vampires to ever kill a slayer.

#4) Lucy Westenra (Lysette Anthony) from Dracula: Dead and Loving it: That’s right, the Mel Brooks version. After being sired by Count Dracula, Lucy becomes a sexy and seductive vampire. When she gets slayed, it becomes one of the funniest bloodbaths I ever seen.

Salma Hayek

#3) Santanico Pandemonium (Salma Hayek) from From Dusk Till Dawn: She was a seductive dancer at a private bar meant for bikers and truck drivers only, only to find out that she is the primary queen vampire of the place. In this movie, the female vampires are much more gruesome than the males.

#2) Lillith (Angie Everhart) from Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood: This shape shifting whorehouse hottie has a huge tongue that literally goes down a victim’s throat, brings his heart out of his chest, and eats it. And I thought Sil from Species had a monster tongue. Oddly, Lillith doesn’t like vegetarian hearts. They probably taste like veggie burgers.

Fright NIght 2

#1) Regine Dandridge (Julie Carmen) from Fright Night Part 2: I haven’t seen this movie in years. What I remember most is when this vampire makes out with a guy, then reveals the largest set of fangs I ever seen. It used to scare the heck out of me. Obviously she doesn’t scare me now, but I can still remember that horrifying image in the back of my mind from back in the day. That’s why I rank Regine as number one.

Sep 302009
 

The creative series Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003) stars Sarah Michelle Gellar as the lead. Now attending high school in Sunnydale, Buffy not only has a new watcher, but a Scooby gang as well. One thing I don’t understand is that in the movie version, Buffy was a senior. On this show, she starts as a sophomore. That’s a little strange, but then again, the series does work better with more of the seasons taking place at the high school. Smart move, Joss Whedon.

Buffy wax statue

In case you were wondering. This is not the real Sarah Michelle Gellar with me. It's a statue from Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in Las Vegas in 2004.

Other than vampires, this show has creative takes on other types of old monsters like zombies, werewolves, robots, witches, ghosts, fairytale creatures like the Gentlemen, Hansel and Gretel, and even Dracula himself. There are also many different types of demons. Just like how Futurama has many different types of aliens and mutants. As much of a drama as this show is, it’s also got it’s share of comedy.

As if all of those monsters weren’t difficult enough, the various monsters aren’t the only threats the hellmouth had to offer. There were times that Buffy and the gang were confronted by magic spells and curses. Such items include; animal possession, a student turning invisible because she was being treated that way, everyone turning into whatever Halloween costume they were wearing, drinking beer that turns college students into cavemen, worst fears coming to life, and the ever popular, everybody suddenly breaking into song. Now that’s creative material.

The fight scenes are amazing. When a vampire is killed, they turn to dust with a neat effect. Too bad it doesn’t work the same way with killing demons.

There were some other great characters also.  But one character who went through a major transformation was Spike (James Marsters).  He started out as a tough villain.  Then he had a chip put in his head that prevents him from harming any humans, which forced him to be a good guy.  He was a pretty useful member of the Scooby gang though.

Charisma Carpenter at Mini MegaCon 2009

I met a lot of cast members from this series at several different conventions.The cast members I’ve met so far are; Nicholas Brendan (Xander), James Marsters (Spike), Clare Kramer (Glory), Julie Benz (Darla), Juliet Landau (Drusilla), Charisma Carpenter (Cordelia), Emma Caulfield (Anya), Amber Benson (Tara), Adam Busch (Warren), and Camden Toy (various demons).

Clare Kramer at FX Convention 2009

I’d have to say that out of all of the Buffy cast members that I’ve had the opportunity to meet, Clare Kramer, who played the evil goddess Glory in season 5, was the sweetest.

Amber Benson, Emma Caulfield, and Charisma Carpenter at Mini Mega Con 2009

 Look for pictures of other cast members from Buffy the Vampire Slayer on future posts.